Loving someone who is either unable or unwilling to love you back can be draining. Oftentimes we hang on in hopes that things can change while deep down we know something just is not right. If you are pondering the question of whether or not you are hanging on to someone who is not emotionally available or is simply incapable of loving you back, here are five unmistakable signs to be mindful of:
If you find yourself always initiating texts, calls, or hangouts with someone, and they rarely if ever take that initiative, it is a red flag. Healthy relationships are about shared effort, and if you feel like you're usually the first and only one to reach out, you often are. People make time for the things they care about. If they aren't making time for you, you aren't what they care about!
Every time you try to talk about your feelings, plans for the future, or where you stand, they change the subject or shut down. Emotional unavailability is one of the clearest signs that someone is not in a place to give or receive love. It’s frustrating, but it also shows they are emotionally unavailable.
This is one of the most painful signs. You may physically be together, but emotionally, there is a wall between you. If you feel invisible or unheard, it’s because they are not showing up for the relationship emotionally.
Some people give affection in short bursts—when they need something, when they’re bored, or when they feel like it. But love isn’t supposed to be convenient; it should be consistent. If you’re only getting crumbs of affection, it’s not real commitment.
If you’re holding on in the hope they’ll eventually ‘come around’, ask yourself how long you’ve been waiting. People do change, but not always in the ways we want—or need. If they’ve shown you who they are repeatedly, believe them.
Letting go is hard, especially when your heart is involved. But clinging to someone who can’t love you only drains your self-worth. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you guess.